on a search

I’ve always been a very spiritual person, I was bought up in a Christian family, and always had faith in God… but lately with how things are going I am starting to question who God really is. I still believe in him, and think he’s a good God, however I questions what type of God he is…

I have two theories

Either God is like a watch maker, he made the earth and now he just sits back and watches it, without interfering at all just making sure that it keeps going, and that’s it.

Or God does watch over, and he does interfear, but he picks and chooses who he helps, or who has guardian Angels. It’s like god created so much that he can’t take care of all of it so he only takes care of some.. I don’t like this theory.. it makes me sad, but it’s how I’m starting to feel. Some people get lifted up out of their troubles, and others he just watched die.

I guess it doesn’t really make sense to me.. and I guess it isn’t suppose to right now… I hope that when i get to heaven this stuff wont matter, that it will really be like they say. That my time on earth will just be a vapor and I wont have to worry about it…

But right now, the pain hurts, and it doesn’t go away, and we can’t understand it. right now earth is all that i know.

“Help me Lord cause I don’t understand your ways, and the reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know.”

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment


WOW I’ve gotten a full ride to school. This is awesome, no more student loans…

except I’m not sure how I will be able to afford a apartment!

anyone got ideas for making money? My scholarship gives me 189 every two weeks and that just isn’t enough for a apartment… I don’t want to go into defult and get in trouble… and the scholarship says I am not aloud to work outside of the assistantship… so how do I make money without working?

I need ideas!

I crochet a lot but no one every really buys the things that i make.. and with the price of yarn it’s kinda hard to keep making stuff and selling at a reasonable price… 😦


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment


So I’ve finished college, I can breath a sigh of relief. Along with this relief comes a  scary part, finding a job. Any job right now is hard, but it seems like reaching jobs are harder… and music… even harder 😦 I’m watching music of the heart… it’s good i love meryll streep and music so it’s a good combination. I’m also applying for inner city schools right now so it fits haha.

I did get a job teaching piano over the summer but am looking for more stuff to do. Cashiering just doesn’t satisfy my life..

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Student Teaching

I started student teaching this week.. It’s been busy and long. I thought I would have more time getting out of school around three everyday, but I’m very exhausted all the time.

I have a hour drive to get to my school, so my wake up call is very early.

My cooperating teacher works with grade 4-12. The school is very welcoming. It is located in a small town where everyone knows each other, they are very warm friendly and welcoming. My cooperating teacher reminds me of myself, she had a lot of the same interests as me and I think we will be getting along very well.

For the first week we are just suppose to watch the cooperating teacher and observe, however my week was a bit different than expected. My teacher had a sick son on the third day, she called for a sub.. there were no music ones available, so a gym teacher became the sub basically i taught and she got paid to watch me.. bummer.. although she was very friendly and fun to talk to. She was only a few years older than me and had some good advice about the first few years out of college.

Teaching by myself was not very easy, i had not planned ahead of time since there wasn’t really a warning. Most of the classes went really well I taught a lot of lessons and knew a lot more about each instrument than I thought I did. The only class that was chaotic was band, I will need to learn better classroom managment skills. As any middle school teacher will tell you students are loud, well when they have instruments in their hands it enables them to be much louder. It was very hard to talk over them and get them to calm down, but i managed.

I think that teaching will be fun and am excited and nervous for more experiences in front of the classes.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Student Teaching

Wow, a week from today I am going to be a student teacher. I can’t believe it. It doesn’t seem like I’m that old, life is going by so fast.  I’m only 21, so I’m a little nervous about being a adult figure to students that are not much younger than me. Hopefully they will take me seriously.

I’m excited and nervous for this experience but hoping for the best. I will be teaching grades 4-12. specifically general music 4-6 and band 7-12. It will be cool to work with so many age groups. I’m hoping that I will be able to continue growing in my bassoon playing, and have time for this. The school doesn’t own any bassoons so I wont be able to teach that :/ but hopefully my private student will still want lessons.

I can’t wait to start, I’m sure my blog will be dedicated to my experiences.


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

country road take me home… to a place where i belong.

I’m currently living in the city of Rochester.. I’m used to it it’s not bad.. but sometimes I wish I could go back to the simple ways of living. I miss the country.. The whole time I lived there I wanted out but I’m a country girl at heart. I like driving past farm.. as strange as it sounds I love the smell. I miss it so much, it’s just natural, much better than the smell of the city and pollution and everything else.

call me crazy, but there is something about the back of a pickup truck and a dirt road.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The best invention that no one has invented yet.

I took a shower this morning and was in a rush to get to work, with wet hair I venture out to my car. I was thinking that the best invention ever would be a hair dryer that just turn on around your head while you are driving… think about how much time that would save you in the morning while you are getting ready… In the summer I roll down the window to dry my hair.. but that’s not a good idea in the winter… a built in hair dryer would make life so much easier and be quite convenient.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment